Never trust . . . an addendum

The very first thing I wrote on this website was a credo (of sorts). It's still there, at the very bottom of the page. If you aren't familiar with it, scroll down and have a look, but do come back afterwards. In order to preserve the first flourish of my virtual pen, I have resisted adding to the list. However, further annoyances have sprung to mind over the last twelve months.

Never trust people who can't name their favourite locals without hesitation, deviation or repetition. Never trust people who have holidayed in Dubai. Never trust people who think they can write meaningful beer tasting notes when they're half cut. Never trust people who wear a garment called a "fleece" when not on a camping expedition. Never trust British people who refer to whisky as "Scotch". Never trust people who use the expression "political correctness" other than ironically. Never trust people who are inordinately proud to be called a "beer geek", or a geek of any kind. Never trust people who think that feigning ignorance of and disdain for all popular culture makes them intelligent. Never trust people who haven't worked behind a bar or in a restaurant at any time in their lives. Never trust blokes who have can read The Daily Mail without feeling dirty and used. Never trust people who think that to be good, a pub has to be stuck in the 1970s. Never, ever, trust people who don't have a soft spot for Girls Aloud.

If you're wondering why I've suddenly opted for this splenetic venting, as opposed to the usual cheery-beery stuff, it's because I've been unwell and unable to enjoy my daily pub fixes. Those of you who think it's fun to do all your drinking from bottles at home probably won't understand why that's so bad, but then I don't understand you either. So we're quits. Bah, bah, and thrice bah.